Phil’s literary litter lament

Phil’s literary litter lament

PHIL Evans has been absent for a while. Nufink to do with HM’s pleasure honest Guv we hasten to add. He has been on his travels around the country with his grabber tidying up the hedgerows and festival sites. He was last seen dragging mounds of tents towards a bunch of students at a local University shouting the words Oi! You forgot your tent! Read on to find out more.

Loyal readers will be aware that I have many pet hates.

I also hate many pets, like next door’s cat, which I call “Handyman” . . . because he keeps doing little jobs in my garden.

Talking of pets, people who keep snakes, lizards, killer whales etc consider themselves superior to anyone who keeps ‘run-of-the-mill’ pets like hamsters, budgies and goldfish.

In their minds, they’re ‘individualists’ who don’t follow the common herd.

Yet, strangely, every single one of them who owns a pet python calls it Monty!

How’s that for individualism?

My Number One Pet Hate is the casual way people drop litter out of car windows, on the pavement and in parks.

Wherever I go, I find that this country is slowly drowning under a tsunami of plastic bottles, take-away cartons and crisp packets.

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As soon as their train pulls into the station, some bone idle text-addicted rail travellers leave their empty coffee cups on the bench they were sitting on for 20 minutes.

They get on the train without a backwards glance, confident ‘Someone Else’ will do what they’re too lazy to – drop the cup in the bin placed all of 10 feet away.

After the Reading Festival, 30,000 tents were left behind, along with a mountain of general rubbish – all of which will go to landfill.

That means 30,000 or more people should, under the Phil Evans Law (which is sadly not on the statute books . . . yet) be doing serious jail time for being thoughtless, lazy twerps who think it’s okay to walk away from a festival, leaving all their gear behind for ‘Someone Else’ to clear up.

That ‘Someone Else’ is the rest of society – people who’d never think of dropping litter. They’re people who feel so strongly about our streets and green parks being covered in discarded rubbish that they make the effort to pick it up and bin it.

I’m ‘Someone Else’. “

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